I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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