I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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