there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
