How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
