You smell like a Billy Joel song
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
