I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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