She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
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Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
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There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize