he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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