My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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