Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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