I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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