I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
