Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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