I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
