the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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