things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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