my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
