i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
