i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize