I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
