At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
