Where is the hickey?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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