I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
