I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
