i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
