You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
