dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
