I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
