so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
