You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
