I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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