And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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