How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
