I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
