never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
