So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
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I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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