Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
