That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
