There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
