This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
