it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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