I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
