U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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