hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize