guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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