her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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