I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
