I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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