You made me cry and you don't even care
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
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Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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