Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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