high people should be assigned attendants
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
How's work?
Spinning.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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