You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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