she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
