Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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