If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
