Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
