Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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