While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
