I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize