The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
