I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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