Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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