In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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