soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
And then he peed in my hair
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