Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
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Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
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My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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