Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
