I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
