Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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