Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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