He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize