im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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