I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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