I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
