Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
