It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
