I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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