I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
