you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
