I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
