i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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