just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize