I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
