ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
