You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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