you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
